Do you still have your period?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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