i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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