yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
