Barsexuality is the new black.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
