I wish I could punch you in the face.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
