If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
