I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
