Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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