We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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