We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
