just tell him i said nine months
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
