he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
