The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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