So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
