He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
