You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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