Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we made out on top of his cat.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
