The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
