Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
