yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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