I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He passed out mid-signature
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
