5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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