I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The uberlube is also flammable
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
