He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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