and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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