I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
