a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
