my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
