We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Randomize
