break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
