Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
