can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
