so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Holy shit dude........stairs
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize