Its about making memories worth repressing
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
