: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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