I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize