I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This house was built for laser tag.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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