peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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