im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize