worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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