It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
