You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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