you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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