i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
