You can't special order awesome
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
