She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
