We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I met the friendliest cop last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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