We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I met the friendliest cop last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize