I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
