butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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