So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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