So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
