Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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