He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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