the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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