At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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