Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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