i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
