that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize