Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
