Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize