you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
