Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
