she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
