who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize