I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
