Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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