Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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