I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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