I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize