oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize