Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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