woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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