Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize