dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
