So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
