You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
