I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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