I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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