if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
