Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
