Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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