A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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