I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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