I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
