I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
